Day 1 (actually day 5615)

We’ve all had bad days; days where you just wish you could Bury yourself in  hole and never come out. Well that’s how I feel pretty much most of the days . Welcome to my world readers. If there are even any. It’s just like I’m in a haze . Like I’m living. Maybe I’m dead on the inside but look totally normal on the out. Well not totally normal actually. Bloody he’ll I can’t even smile propally. Jeez it comes out as this lopsided tedious plaster painfully painted across my face . I have no control over my actions.emotions. I don’t nesescarily mean to hurt people it just sort of happens and trust me I won’t even hurt a fly. Ok maybe I will. I guess I’m like this because I don’t want to find myself too at ached to something or someone. Everyone I cared about just left I know they didn’t decide to leave but still I’m here left with a gaping wound. Desperately trying to heal myself. Shit what if I’m outta skin healing material? Ever since I was small . The people I loved moved. Now maybe I’m scared this wound of mine has become infected. Infected with a disease called being scared. Holy cap have I caught it? I have this tendency to push people out. Block them away and be swallowed into a thick bubble where I am competely oblivious to the surrounding world. On the other had I am fully aware of everything. My mind is continuously racing . Picturing scenarios that I know are a long shot away. All the way on Pluto if you ask me. I’m always two steps ahead of everyone else’s two steps . So that’s an average of four steps ahead of the one step of the weak. With me . Probably not. If you are congratulations you’ve won a GOLD STAR! Only joking. Those were one of the many things I wanted as a kind. To have the privelidge of wearing a gold star plaster across my t shirt . Saying look everyone it’s a gold star. Like no shit sherlock.

I’m pretty white at the moment. I’ve not been out of the house in a while. Sacred to meet people but scared if I don’t . No its because I have exams so I need to study.  Study. Who even invented that. It’s my life now. Competely taken over. Destroyed my power to socialise as I am constantly thinking  about how an earth polymerisation takes place or that my right aorta is undergoing atrial systolic and diastolic(auto correct don’t ask me) or that active transport is happening at the tips of roots. I mean COME ON. I’m blabbering I know. I also know that no one is reading this and it’s a complete waste of time. But what else is there to do?your probably thinking woahh this child has issues man. Or get a life. I do have one yes. But one without any friends that I actually like. The ones that I do have probably long forgotten about me . Living their lives to the max. I’m now sounding like a jelous bitch. Nice. Someday everyone is gonna be wiped off the face of the earth. Because it’s what the girl from brave calls ‘fate’ and please do say in in a thick Scottish accent. It’s my honour.

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